The tree and me

Through knowledge and light, truth is born. The savior is the light that illuminates knowledge so that we may see eternal truth. Christ's gospel is the living waters and christ is the light. Through hydration and sunlight a tree may grow and bring forth good fruit. So it is with us. In order to grow we need the living waters- the gospel, which brings us nourishment in the form of knowledge, then the Savior deepens this knowledge by illuminating it and it becomes a part of us.

"The truth will set you free"

In all of my searching for healing I found one consistent thing...the truth, eternal truth is the only thing that brings true and lasting healing. I could search online or ask friends to help me understand the things I was going through, but never did any worldly or friendly advice bring me deep healing unless it was anchored in truth.

So as I "take-root" I want to make sure I'm in rich soil (surrounded by good people who nourish me and encourage me to grow), full of living water (gospel/God's word) that quenches and satisfies, and that I am always reaching for the suns light (Christ's Light) and then and only then can I bring forth the good fruit. (the fruits that I desire and need)

With this fruit (knowledge of truth I share) I can nourish my children, my husband, my extended family, my friends and my community. Fruit not shared only rots. So I must share my knowledge of truth (my testimony) with others.

I will be going on a journey this year to learn about divine beauty, intimacy as God intended it and how to heal from sexual abuse (or intense body shame) through expressive movement. Please follow my blog and join me on this journey of fitness, healing through movement and  soul searching and soul healing.  Thanks for all of your support and remember to....

Just Keep Moving!

Life's stormy seas

Each morning when I wake up I spend a few minutes meditating. I have found that it helps bring clarity, vision, and purpose into my day. The days that I neglect to meditate always turn out very different, in a negative way. So I have found myself looking forward to my me time. :) This morning as I was meditating I learned something pretty cool. Here is my visual to explain the lesson.

I was walking on the beach wearing a long white flowing dress. It was a peaceful day with a light breeze. I was twirling and just enjoying the beauty around me when suddenly an enormous wave comes up and it's shaped like a face with it's mouth gaping open. I was overcome with fear and immediately started to run but the wave engulfed me and no matter how hard I tried I could not free myself of it's grasp. It was too strong, too heavy, the water too deep. Eventually my muscles gave out and I couldn't breathe. I sunk to the bottom. As my eyes were starting to close and the water settled I could see the Savior standing above me on top of the water. His right hand reaching into the water to pull me up but he was too far, too out of reach, I didn't have the strength or even the cognition to reach for him. My hand that was outreached fell to the sandy ground and I passed out. Right before I passed out I heard the words "Right now, your desire alone is enough. Do you want my help?" I nodded my head and my eyes closed. Then I saw in my minds eye, the Savior part the waters so that my breathless body was on dry ground. He picked me up and took me to the shore and lay me down on the beach. I woke up coughing and gagging and saw him sitting next to me a short distance away, watching the sea. This bothered me that when I woke up he wasn't standing or sitting over me watching to make sure I was okay, to make sure I could breathe again. I guessed he knew I was okay but I was still upset that His face wasn't what I woke up to, instead I had to look for him, only for a brief moment, since he was so close, but I was still bothered that He wasn't watching over me. He was a picture of perfect calm and I noticed; so was the sea.

That is where the scene ended. It left me wondering, why was he not standing over me when I awoke? Why was he looking away from me? So I asked Jesus. Why are you turned away from me? Why were you not watching over me? I heard him say "I was watching over you. I calmed the sea and I made sure nothing engulfed you while you were unconscious and coming to your senses."


I thought..."This is beautiful Lord, how can or does this apply to my everyday life?"

He answered "I got you not matter where you are at. No matter your capability, no matter how weary. Even if all you can do is  have a desire, I can work with that. It's all in My hands. I have the power to help you in any way that I choose. No trial is too big, heavy  strong, deep, or dark. I have conquered them all and the way out is easy and clear to me."

May you look to Him in your deepest, darkest moments and know that He is never too far or out of reach and He will come to your aid.

Baptism and Trust

In my church children are baptized at 8 years of age. They are immeresed in the water and brought back up again. In preparation of baptism many children worry about that moment that they are completely under the water. They each have their own reasons they worry. For some it is their face being in the water, worrying about water getting in their eyes or nose, worrying about holding their breath or worrying that the person holding them under the water will not be able to lift them back up. Perhaps they are even worried about their own strength in being able to help the other person lift them up.

What they do not realize, often until after they have been baptized, is that they are only under for a moment and they have strong, capable, righteous hands guiding them. I think it works the same for many of us during our trails. We are afraid of being left under the water, of not being able to breathe, of not seeing clearly, of drowning, or suffocating. We worry about how long it will last and if we will be able to withstand the time under (hold our breath). We get angry at God for not pulling us out sooner or even think he is the one holding us under but in retrospect we find that he is not the one holding us under, he is the one holding us up.

If you trust God and allow yourself to be immersed in whatever he is teaching you then you will find that just as with bapstim when you come out of the water (trial) you will be a new cleansed person. You just have to hold onto him and let him pull you up, trust in his experience, knowledge strength, and in his timing.  

My son with my Dad before his baptism





Fitness Technology

As technology advances we have seen many changes in different industries. Fitness has also seen a change and many improvements with the advancement of technology. We can check our heart rate, map out our runs, keep track of our fitness endeavors, find workouts with the click of a mouse and even our video game systems have found a way to help us with our fitness endeavors. These games referred to as AVG (active video games) are helping kids who normally may not be considered active become more active rather than just playing sedentary games. They help children who may not be as coordinated as their peers find the confidence to try in a safe environment, at home. I hadn't thought about that before. That children may indeed be afraid to play on the playground with their peers because they have not had the experience practicing being active. While I do not advocate these systems as a sole means of exercise and play for children I can see the benefits that they may have. 

First off, the fact is...Kids these day are going to have some amount of screen time. Why not use that screen time for something beneficial, like being active? Secondly, since children and teens are familiar and comfortable with technology why not use that familiarity to get them used to something that may not be as familiar or comfortable? If you want to get a person to develop healthy habits there needs to be some intrinsic motivation. If the child likes the active video games, he or she is much more likely to adapt a positive connection to exercise and will be more willing to venture out to other methods in the future.  Last but not least, they are interesting. Children love all the bells and whistles that technology brings. It's a great way to get the children engaged and interested in being more active.  

Remember that one of the most important thing in getting a child to create an active lifestyle is that they have a positive experience when it comes to physical activity. Fitness technology is just one way of trying to achieve that outcome.

Goal setting for 2016

With only two more days left of 2015 I can't help but look forward to the upcoming year with enthusiasm and more gusto. I have always been one to set goals and so this time of year is such a fun time for me. Being able to see everyone starting to make their resolutions and getting all fired up! The last couple of years though I feel like I have gotten more lax in my goal setting. This year...I want it to be different. I want to be very thoughtful of what goals I am setting and in getting specific with my goals. Which reminds me of a great system I learned about for setting goals. It's called being a S.M.A.R.T. goal setter.....

Specific: So let's say I have a goal of being a "better homeschooling mom" or "exercising more". At the end of the year how will I know that I achieved my goal? That's why it's necessary to be specific. Also if I set a goal that I'm not passionate about then I will be less likely to be committed to that goal. Hence it being so important that I find my why when setting my goal. We will use my "exercise more" goal as an example. In order to be specific in my goal I could say I want to exercise 4x a week for 30 minutes. That's a great start. I could even be more specific my noting the days of the week I want to exercise and if I want even the time of day (but don't get too hung up on details that you set yourself up for failure). 

Meaningful: As far as the why this goal is important to me? Well I want to be healthy and be able to be an active individual and an involved mom but this year it goes even more detailed than that. I love aerial silks and pole fitness and I want to be able to progress in my love of silks and pole fitness so exercising more is meaningful to me because it means I am progressing in a passion of mine. 

Action Oriented:  If my goal is to exercise 4x a week for 30 minutes and I want to be improving in aerial silks and pole fitness while doing so then I need to take some steps to ensure that the type of exercise I will be doing will help me improve in those areas. So I can set a day to do pole fitness and get specific on what types of moves I want to learn or how I want to improve, I can set a day to work on my flexibility so that I can bend and do some of the pole or silks moves, I can set a day to work on strength training and targeting certain muscles I know I need to work on for certain pole or silks moves I am learning, and lastly I can set a day to do aerial silks, working on the specifics of how I want to improve there. 

Realistic: How do you know your goal is realistic? For starters look at your track record and your time allotted each day to see if you have the time and resources to accomplish your goal. If it turns out that you decide maybe your goal is asking too much of you right off the bat, back up a bit. Maybe you start by exercising 2x a week for 15 minutes a day for a month. Then once you have accomplished that you can lengthen the time or exercise more frequently. The trick here is to have little successes  along the way. While goals are intended to push you and help you improve, they are not meant to test you. Give yourself some breathing room and celebrate the small successes!

Timely(Time-Bound): Some goals have a definitive end such as "Become certified as a group fitness instructor" others are more of a lifetime development.  At the end of 2016 if I exercised 4x a week for 30 minutes a day then my goal would be met but that's a long time waiting. That's why I recommend with lifetime goals  that you do it in baby steps. With this particular goal you could start slow by only working out 1x a week or you could start by focusing on "drinking more water" for the first month and then  adding a workout day.  The point is to just keep moving!

I hope this helps you have a more organized way of setting and achieving goals. Happy New Year!

Here's to a wonderful and meaningful 2016!

Dear New Mom

I recently had a baby, my fifth baby, and I have been enjoying every minute of it! I remembered though it wasn't always like that and it's that memory that inspired me to write this post.

Our newest addition. Baby #5!

Dear New Mom,

First off I want to say that you are going to do great. The more you worry about how you are doing, especially if you are comparing yourself to others, the less you will be able to hear your own voice and listen to your own intuition about your child. You will also miss out on some of the joy that your little bundle will bring. My aunt gave me some great advice before I got married, that I think is applicable here. She said "Don't judge the quality of your relationship by anyone else or anyone else's relationship. You guys will have your own balance which you will find the longer you're together. Enjoy the differences in each other. It will make your relationship very unique." You will parent and nurture differently than anyone else you know, even different from your own mother and your style of parenting will be exactly what your child needs to grow and learn. Trust your own intuition and trust the times you need to stand your ground as well as the times you need to make changes and allow shifts to happen.

The next thing I want to say is...let him/her be little. There are so many exciting things to look forward to. The first cry, the first time you hold him/her in your arms, the first coo, the first smile etc. There are also things we look forward to for our own conveniences such as "I can't wait until he can hold his head up, hold his own bottle, sit up on his own, crawl, feed himself, walk" etc. Oh but the moments between are so precious. If you skipped to all of the milestones with nothing in between it would be like having christmas one day, then waiting another and having christmas again. There is no build up, no waiting, no longing, no excitement, no planning. It would be a tragedy if our children grew up in the blink of an eye.

Enjoy those sleepy moments, cuddle with the baby, sleep with the baby, savor the moments that you have the privilege of stopping everything you are doing and feed that baby. Before you know it that baby will be more independent than you would like and you will look back on those sweet baby pictures and think "why did I wish those moments away?"

My sweet bay is already smiling and laughing and

 it sees like he was born just yesterday



I can attest to this in a very deep and painful way. My first born was born with spina bifida. A congenital birth defect where the spinal cord is exposed in the womb and needs to be closed at birth. This affects his nerves and therefore affects his sensations and movements. Because of where his lesion is (the opening of the spine) the doctors weren't quite sure exactly what his lifestyle would be. While they can never tell you exactly how spina bifida will affect a child's lifestyle it was my understanding that where his lesion is, it has even a wider range of symptoms than other places a lesion could be. I was told he could be fine with no symptoms or he could be wheelchair bound, although they were pretty sure it would affect his walking, bowel and bladder at least.

I watched for every milestone like a hawk. I gave him plenty of tummy time so he could learn to roll over. We did therapy at 8 months to help him learn to sit up better. We did therapy at 15 months to get him to stand without holding onto something. When he was two I would take him out on dollar night to a local pool that had shallow water and let him practice walking in the water. At this point he couldn't walk without a walker and the water buoyed him up so he could walk.

Him at around 2 years old, using his walker.

One day a friend of mine met me at the pool with her little boy that was my son's age. We traded boys for a moment and I scooped her son up in my arms and took him straight to the deep end where I spun him in circles while dipping his feet in and out of the water. We both laughed and giggled. For a moment I had the thought "This is fun. I wish my son wasn't disabled."

Then it hit me. I had brought my son to this pool maybe 4x that season and not once had I taken him to the deep end and spun him around in a circle while lifting him up and down and dipping his feet in the water. I immediately went and grabbed my son and spun him around in the deep end. I learned an important lesson that day about not being so busy looking ahead that you miss the joy in the present. I learned that my son needed me to enjoy him right now, just the way he is. I learned that I needed that moment just as much as my son, if not more. I realized that by enjoying my son the burdens of his disability felt lighter.

So I encourage you, to do your best, to love every moment and to do all that you can to make hard things fun. I encourage you to definitely work in the shallow end. That's our job as a mom but don't neglect the fun adventures in the deep end.

My two year old I went swimming with is now 8
and as handsome as ever. Time flies!

Keep them writing.

I remember as a young child my mother would say "Okay kids, it's time to get our your journals!" I was homeschooled for most of my elementary years and as part of our schooling she felt it was important that we journal. I remember moaning and groaning that she was making us write again! After all what interesting things could I say day after day? Well I kept those journals and while not every entry is interesting I am amazed at how many of them are! It turns out that the most interesting things I have written were the things that at the time I found the most boring.

Some days my journal started out like this...."Mom is making me journal. I don't know what to write about....Oh, hold on, I'll be right back...Okay I am back. Jamie pushed the nipple inside her bottle again and I had to go and push it back out cause she was crying. She does this all the time. She will push the nipple in and then cry that she can't drink her milk. So you have to go and push the nipple back out and then she will push it back in again and cry." Another day "My sister gets upset when any of us fight. If she thinks we are fighting she will sit on one of us and pin us down and then run her hands down one of our faces and say in a calming tone 'complicate, complicate'. She thinks it means to calm down"

The every day, in and out mundane things are the funnest to look back on. The funny quirks about a family member. The milestones of a younger sibling. The quarrels that always went on in the house. The funny stories my dad would tell in what we called his "preacher voice". The sayings my mom would say or the songs she would wake us up with. All of those things seemed like things I would never forget. For example, when I was 13 one of my friends slept over at my house and we stayed up until like midnight or 2 a.m. My mom being her cheerful self woke up the whole house yelling "It's 9 o'clock and all is well!!" My friend sat up with her hair in a mess and her eyes tired and puffy and said in a tired confused voice "Why is your Mom singing about whales?" Just one of many funny moments caputured in a joural that otherwise may have been lost to memory. 

I am so grateful to a mother who taught me the power of the written word and encouraged me to journal even if I fought her on it. I now have journals I can read to my kids. It has also encouraged me to start a journal for each of my kids. That has been a very fun and rewarding endeavor. Although my children are young I encourage them to journal as well. Sometimes I help them by writing things down for them, other times I have them draw a picture. They each have their own journal to write in themselves and sometimes I let them add to their journals that I write in for them. If it's not obvious; in time, I learned to lvoe to write. I eventually started writing poetry and even journaled for fun! 

So moms...Keep them writing! Give your children a safe place to express themselves. Give them the freedom to write about what they want and listen when they want to read what they wrote. It might be  the only insight you get inside their little heads. Who knows, maybe one day they won't be able to get enough of writing and they will have you to thank for it! 

Thanks Mom!