Struggles

From the moment I entered motherhood I was ecstatic! I had waited so long to be a mother,  (at least it seemed like it to me-I become a mother just a few short days before I turned 20, so it wasn't really that long of a wait), dreaming of it as a 10 year old little girl, what would it be like? As all mothers soon find out motherhood is full of joy but not without sorrow. Some struggles may be less visible than mine; my first born being born with Spina Bifida, but still struggles nonetheless. My sisters sons struggles with allergies, my friends children struggle with asthma and every cold turning into bronchitis or pneumonia, another friend struggles with gestational diabetes and extreme fatigue while pregnant and still caring for her other children. Amongst the struggles there are moments of peace, joy and tranquility. This is what I write about today.

It was almost 6 years ago, I sat at the couch journaling, writing down my worries, fears, concerns, inadequacies, when one of my twins (5 months old at the time) started to stir in her crib. Her stirring turned into a full out cry and I knew my moment of peace had ended. I wrote this poem after a precious moment with my daughter.....

                                                                 Illuminating Purity

Lounging trying to unravel
weeks, months, and years of heartache and confusion.
Two years full of constant needs,
Worried I will lose all of myself.
The baby cries out, yet another call.
One after the other, never stopping.
I cradle her up, the crying immediately ceases.
All her worries vanish in a moment.

I pick myself up pushing aside my journal.
Once again burying life's questions deeper.
My darling daughter wraps her hand around my finger.
She looks deep into my eyes, I am her idol.
Me; the one with all the questions.

Binky in mouth, she smiles up at me.
Illuminating purity, simple yet joyous.
Untainted by the pollution of the world.
Unaffected by the cruelty of mankind.
Loving my every feature, unaware of my every flaw.

Life's questions still unanswered.
Confusion is sure to stay
Even so the picture turns so clear.
The path feels so simple, too short.
Too short to soak up all her childhood.
Too short to savor each moment.
For now all my worries vanish.
This moment is all my own.

By-Megan Eddy

There are so many sparks of joy in life. Don't let the worries of some imagined fate let you miss out on your children and the light they bring into a darkening world.