Why I homeschool

It's November 25th. I started to feel impressed it was time to homeschool my kids again about two weeks ago. I pulled my son out of kindergarten in December of 2012 and homeschooled him all the way through first grade, except the last 5 weeks of school, I knew at that time that I would be sending him to public school for 2nd grade and wanted the school to have  a chance to get to know him and his limitations and what accommodations he would need because of his disability. So I was surprised when many of my concerns from last time I felt impressed to homeschool came up. Though not as intense as they had come up previously.

I wondered..."Am I smart enough? Can I stick to a schedule? What type of curriculum should I use? Will it be expensive to homeschool? What will his aunts, uncles and grandparents think? What will my friends and neighbors think? What if he is behind and I don't know it? Would I be a good teacher? Will he listen to me?" Among the concerns were thoughts if it truly was inspiration that I needed to homeschool. I thought..."He is happy at school. I like his teacher, he is doing well socially and academically. He has friends, he LIKES school." That's the one that got me most "He LIKES school." Previously I had thought that people homeschooled because they had a problem with the school but we thought school was just fine. Sure there were kinks to work out because of his special needs but they were minor, nothing to pull him out of school for. In time I got up the courage to pull him out of school, it took me 5 months! (I had, had the thought to homeschool before he even started school).

We started out playing games and building things to help his fine motor skills. Over time I found phonics books, handwriting books and math books. We used these and supplemented them with games and crafts. When I wasn't sure what to teach I just pulled out the math book and I would know he was supposed to be learning coins, or place values etc. As time went on I saw my little boy come back alive. Instead of just laying on the floor for quiet time he would build things and for the first time in 3 years he played with toys and for the first time in his life he would pretend. Before this I would watch my twins play and their pretend play was evolving. His was not, and I tried to tell myself he just wasn't interested in pretending but I knew this should be a natural process of a child's development. I felt such relief to see his play evolve and his creativity emerge. It was like he finally  had a voice and confidence.

I am not sure if there was anything wrong at school per say. It's possible he heard kids whispers about his disability but kids are so accepting at that age, I doubt that was the true issue. The first few years of his life were difficult. There were lots of changes and moving and it lacked consistency and stability. I think he needed some time at home where he was loved and accepted and time where life was a little more still. He needed the things only a mother says or does. He needed individual attention. As I prayed about what I needed to focus on most with homeschooling I was told that I needed to build his confidence, so as we would do school I was very careful to be patient and soft with him, a trait that carried over into our everyday life. He just needed to know that he was okay and that his world was safe and stable.

No matter how good a public school is he would not have gotten that from attending public school. I am grateful that I trusted in my maternal instincts and got over my fear. I heard a quote last night as my children and I watched Princess Diaries 2

“Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear."

In time I came to realize that my son needed me to homeschool and that the Lord knew my limitations. So if he said it was what needed to be done, then I had better not argue. So this time, I am feeling impressed again to homeschool. School is going great, even better than kindergarten did. We love the principal and the people that take care of his toileting needs. Him and his sisters have friends and I always hear kids yelling their names to say hi. My son is behind but he is quickly progressing. We are seeing some patterns that normally go along with spina bifida such as slow processing but that is to be expected and not something the school is doing wrong. We love the kids teachers. Carl James loves the chance to eat lunch at school and all of the children love recess. All seems well in their world but I am not one to argue with inspiration (okay well at least not for long :)) So this time, I am doing my research. I am reading books about homeschooling and learning different approaches to homeschooling. I am engrossing myself in the homeschooling philosophy and the homeschooling mindset.

One thing I read is that in essence "Homeschooling at it's heart is parenting. When we become parents we are responsible for helping our children grow into healthy and responsible adults. That's a big responsibility! When you first became a parent you didn't know whether you could do it. Yet you did and you are." (this is a very watered down version of what Lisa Rivero says in her book "The Homeschooling Option") If you speak to a homeschooling veteran you will often hear the same thing "Trust your child's innate desire to learn, don't worry about whether they are behind or ahead, each child learns at their own pace." I am learning to appreciate the learning process and to guide it rather than try to control it. Maybe in time I will learn to be lead by it. :)

All I know is homeschooling worked for me and works for many other people. I was homeschooled as a child and I attribute my confidence and self awareness to being homeschooled. When I finally entered public school (in Jr. High) peer pressure was a non issue to me. I knew who I was and who I wanted to be. Nobody could change my core beliefs and core attributes. Something in my heart is being called out to homeschool. I may not understand exactly why homeschooling works. I don't have the luxury of having 20 years of experience doing it and therefore knowing without a doubt that it works but in my heart I know there is good in it and for us it is a good fit.

This was one of those moments that I knew homeschooling was the right choice. My son for the first time in a long time initiated a game all by himself. He took these hangers and did a monkeys in a barrel type of construction. It might seem really small and insignificant but when you have a child that used to be very hands on and interested in the mechanics of things and then suddenly he isn't doing that anymore and he isn't pretending it's very disconcerting. This picture was taken a few months after we had been homeschooling and I had seen small but significant changes in his confidence and his ability to deal with or handle unpleasant situations.