To just "Be"

Have you ever had a time in your life where you needed to "just be"? A time where no one demanded anything of you other than just being yourself. A time where it wasn't about what you could do for others as much as it was about who you are and wishing others just appreciated that as a gift. A time where you could be free of guilt for not adding more to your plate than you can handle. A time that was just about your growth and nothing else. A time where you could literally just be you and that would be enough.

We all had that time at least once in our lives. We came into this world as tiny infants not able to do anything for ourselves. We had nothing to contribute and you could easily say we weren't very useful but regardless we were loved beyond measure. Just our existence brought joy to others. Every tiny progression was celebrated. Even something as simple as our first smile. The first time we learned to show affection was cause to celebrate. We were appreciated, we were loved, we were accepted and we did NOTHING to earn it.

When did that change? When was it that we decided that we had to do something, volunteer for something, or have a certain talent to be loved and appreciated. When did we stop feeling like we bring joy to the world just by being ourselves? When did "being me" stop being enough? When did our tiny, tiny progressions stop meaning something and when did our small setbacks start meaning so much? When did we stop smiling just to make others smile back at us? When did we decide that the reflection in the mirror was anything short of miraculous?

I think a certain degree of selfishness is healthy. You can call it self preservation or self love if you like that term better but somewhere in the mix "self" has to matter. I think there is something to be said about just being you and the joy you bring to others by being yourself. I think as we come to be more true to ourselves our priorities are aligned alot better and we are drawn to do things where our talents and our passions are best put to use. There is a time and a season for all things. I think we often feel guilty taking time for ourselves for our own healing and self reflection and understanding. There are times when other things must take the back burner so that we aren't the thing on the back burner anymore. There is nothing wrong with just being you and taking a breather.

For each of us that will look different but the thing that will be the same is that something somewhere will have to go in order for you to find that balance and the time needed to rejuvinate and look inward. While you are there it is important to remember the little things. Know that others appreciate your company, your wisdom, your laughter and your presence and it's okay if that is all that you give for a while. Honestly I think we are drawn to give where we are most needed and useful. Try to tap into what you are drawn to and over time you will probably see a pattern. It's okay to not be interested in every volunteer/service opportunity out there. Be open to the possiblity that it's NOT where you are needed.

I get easily sucked into doing the good things that I think others think I should be doing. Then I can get resentful or worn out and my life at home suffers because I'm being pulled too many directions. I keep having to relearn that sometimes letting go and saying no are the hardest part. The Lord has his own expectations of me and where I should be spending my time and talents. If I get too wrapped up into what I think my spouse, my neighbor, my friends, my parents, siblings, inlaws etc want me to do then I lose who I am and I lose purpose. I have to get right with God and that is IT. I don't need to seek anyone else's approval because no one else's vision is as clear or wide as God's is. If I allow myself to ask God what he wants me to do and I trust that I can find so much more inner peace than trying to make everyone understand my choices.

I realized that by trying to help everyone understand my choices I am not helping them at all. Sometimes we as humans are judgemental of others circumstances and it doesnt matter what they say. We don't get it but over time God can teach us to be much more loving and accepting than we had previously been. So if I make a decision about my family and someone doesn't understand it and it causes them to see me in a negative light then God now has the opportunity to teach His child a higher way to see, to love and to accept but if I spend my time trying to cater my life and decisions to others views/opinions then God loses that opportunity to show His child another way of living or seeing through me.

So much of life is way more about us than it is about others. Even as a mother it's more about me than my kids. Most people will tell you they learned more from their kids than their parents. Kids have a way of really teaching us about ourselves, about life and if we are listening about God. So it's okay to "just be you" for a while. That's actually a pretty hard job in a world that is always throwing so many opinions and views your way.