It's all about me, yet it's not about me.

It seems as if things in life come in waves. Whenever trials come they never seem to come one at a time. They come rushing in like waves. Recently my husband and I have had some struggles come our way and it seems they just keep coming. Not all things are struggles, some are blessings; such as having a baby, but still needs some adjusting and kinking. I guess that's a better way to explain most of our current struggles. We as a couple are changing and shifting and figuring out the kinks. Not long after this shifting started occurring he also lost his job. So he has been home more. Which has given us added time to evaluate our life, our current circumstances and work on our relationship as well as his business that he is starting. All of this extra time and TLC that has been needed to put into our relatonship as a couple, and in myself as a person, has left me feeling guilty on the time missed with the kids.

In some ways we are more attentive and more patient with our children since our individual needs are finally being met; but in other ways the kids have seemed to fend for themselves, as Carl and I have been discussing, repairing or building things. I have asked myself if I am being selfish or if this is a "put your own oxygen mask on first" kind of situation. I sincerely feel that the shifts that Carl and I have been going through both mentally and relationally have been for the best benefit and welfare for not only Carl and I but for our children as well. I was reminded of that today when Carl and I were working on building his website for his business and Morgan came up to us asking if she could do crafts. I so did not want to have a mess but I knew that the kids could really use the feeling of satisfaction that you get from creating something.

So together Carl and I decided that it would be okay for them to open up one of their Christmas gifts, which is a box full of random craft items.

Seeing how happy they were to be creating and to have that freedom without me hovering over them made me realize maybe I shouldn't feel so guilty that some things are sliding right now.  As you know I homeschool and with all that is going on it has taken somewhat of a back seat. I was reminded today that it's okay to need some "me" time and that homeschoolingis not about me, my skills, or my lack of skills. It's totally about the children. Learning is built into life, I don't know why I can experience that myself  yet fail to see that for my kids.

I'm grateful for being reminded that learning is a natural process and that in this moment of healing where I feel like "It's all about me" (or I need to focus on me) I am also ironically learning that when it comes to homeschooling "it's not about me at all". It's not about me looking good, being an amazing mom, or me trumping anyone else. It's also not about my shortcomings, lack of organization or my shortsightedness. The kids are fine. They are looked out for and I am guided in where I need to change and adjust. It's all good. :)