On being open

There are times in life when we will be challenged, times when our hearts will be broken and we fear that we are past the point of mending. There may come a time when a loved one is struck ill, you experience health issues yourself, you are hit with a loss, or someone you love is choosing a life below their potential and risking their own happiness, or perhaps you are doing this. There may also be times when you feel that your goodness has been taken advantage of, you have been deeply hurt and you want to close up for fear of being hurt again. Each of these times are moments of grief but also moments for potential growth. It is during these times that we find and define our values. That we find the strength from within and the resolve to move forward. It is during these times that we must remain the most open and fight the urge to close up and shrink. Let me illustrate my thoughts through a story I came across. There is an ancient Indian tale that goes like this....

Ancient Indian Tale-
An old Hindu master was fed up with the continual complaints and grumbles of his apprentice. So one day he asked the young man to fetch him a cup of water and a bowl of salt. When the young man returned, the master said “Now put a handful of salt in the water.:” The apprentice did so. The master then swirled the water around in the cup until all the salt had dissolved. “Now taste it” he said to the apprentice. The apprentice took a sip and screwed up his face in disgust.
"How does it taste?" the master asked.
"Horrible," said the apprentice.
The master chuckled “Yes, very unpleasant” he said. Now follow me. They walked down to the edge of a nearby lake and the master said “Now dip a handful of salt into the lake.” The apprentice did so. The master said “Now taste the water from the lake.” The apprentice drank from the lake and this time he smiled. “Not so hard to swallow, eh?” said the master. “This salt is like the inevitable pain of life, in both cases the amount of salt is the same but the smaller the container, the greater the bitterness. So when life gives us pain instead of closing in around it like this cup, we would do better to enlarge and open, like the lake.”

There will be times in life that you find yourself hurt and vulnerable. Natural human tendency will be to close up out of fear and self preservation. There are times that this is both healthy and necessary but there are also times that we need to find within ourselves the space to forgive and the space to be open to a person who is trying to change. I hope in those moments where your faith in humanity is tested that you will find it within yourself to open up and trust just a bit longer. To learn the important lessons of humility, patience, perseverance, acceptance, compassion, but also balance. To learn to stand up for yourself respectfully, to learn that your needs matter, that you matter, and that's its okay to expect others to treat you not only respectfully but compassionately. Especially as you do so to them. 

There may be times that someone you love is unwilling to change and staying with them will only bring more hurt. If you are prayerful you will know when this time is and instead of having the strength to stay you will have the strength to leave and within that strength you will find righteous indignation. While righteous indignation will have a sense of anger and injustice it is so much more than that. That anger and injustice will be less directed at the person and more directed at their choices instead. On http://www.gotquestions.org/ it says "We can know for sure that our anger or indignation is righteous when it is directed toward what angers God Himself. Righteous anger and indignation are justly expressed when we are confronted with sin. Good examples would be anger toward child abuse, pornography, racism, homosexual activity, abortion, and the like." But there are even more subtle sins than the ones mentioned above. Such as sins of ommission, that can hurt deeply as well. 

Not all pain will be infilicted by others choices but those ones are the ones that tend to make us close up. I picture people in these moments as a rose bud closed up trying to shield itself from the climate. At times this shielding is necessary for self preservation but when the sun comes out (and for us as humans sometimes before) it is time to open up, bloom and give beauty and color to the world around you. You do have something beautiful and amazing inside and those around you will miss out on that beauty and splendor if you continue to stay closed up. Especially if you have children. Dare to believe again, be like the lake that opens up despite the bitterness and you will find in time you have much to offer.